Question: What does Max do when he and partner-in-truth Nev are confronted with one of the creepiest, most offensive online frauds in Catfish history?
Answer: Rip him a new one and call it a day.
The glorious drama unfolded on tonight’s episode after Ari, a 21-year-old from Los Angeles, explained her tail of woe: After just four days of online romance, she’d fallen in love with Lanum, a buff, tattooed 25-year-old from Texas.
But Nev and Max quickly unearthed some alarming info about Lanum. Aside from the fact that his photos were fake, he’d also been catfishing other gals (and soliciting nude pictures from them, like he had Ari).
So who was Lanum, for real? Turns out, he was Marcus, a not-so-buff, not-so-tattooed 43-year-old who admitted he’d been duping females for the last three years.
“It just started out as a social experiment, and then it turned into an addiction,” Marcus said when Nev, Max and Ari arrived at his home. “I work nights, so I sleep during the day. It kills your social life, so I had to create something.”
“You know what kills your social life?” Max asked. “When you think you’re dating someone that you’re in love with…and you’re not meeting anyone else because [that] someone is feeding you bullsh*t over the phone.”
Marcus continued to dig his own grave: He admitted that he’d catfished 40 to 50 women and often solicited nude photos. But it was when he insisted he had real feelings for Ari — and had the gall to think she’d be cool with the ruse and still want a relationship with him — that Max read him the riot act.
“Since we’ve been making this show, every girl or guy that’s ever been in Ari’s place fears that they’re talking to some mid-40-something-year-old man who’s sad, sitting home in his crusty boxers, typing into the computer,” he said. “And you’re that guy. We finally met you. And that sucks for you, but it also sucks even more for Ari and all the other girls whose time you wasted.”
So did Marcus get the message? Um, not quite. He still expressed his desire to start a romance with Ari, causing Max to — again — lay down the law.
“You’re not going to start something,” he said. “Even if she wanted to, I wouldn’t let her. Period. There’s going to be no future with her.”
So did Marcus get the message then? Um, not quite. The next day, he presented Ari with — wait for it — an engagement ring. And when he couldn’t understand why she didn’t want it, Max, well, you know…
“It just scares me that you’re not grasping [this],” the silver fox declared, before finally giving a sage piece of advice. “Get your sh*t together.”
And with that, Ari went back to L.A. to rebuild her life, and Nev and Max officially closed the case. But what about Marcus? Will he indeed get his
sh*t act together? He claimed he’d stop duping women, but do you think he’s done catfishing for good? Tell us your thoughts, then catch another episode on Wednesday at 8/7c.